For Better: The Science of a Good Marriage

For Better: The Science of a Good Marriage by Tara Parker-Pope is the book I just raced through.  I'm not very good at reading non-fiction since I don't retain the information as well as I do with something fluffy that I read in just one go.


I would recommend this book for newlyweds, pregnant couples and people who have a rocky marriage.  I think it caters to people who would question aspects of their marriage, rather than those who have settled into one and seem fine.  Then again, I know a couple that seems to just co-exist, and that's how they work things out between themselves.  


I was first attracted to this book because when I can, I like reading the New York Times, and Tara Parker-Pope is a regular columnist.  She had written something in an article that struck a chord, and so I hunted down her book.


So here are some of the interesting things I learnt and want to share with you before I race it back to the library (see earlier post).  Note that I'm just sharing my notes with you, but I've read the book.  If you read these notes and then quote them to someone else, you're probably taking things out of context.

• Divorce rates aren't going up, they're actually going down, for a variety of reasons.
• One doctor is quoted as saying: "What I find so disturbing about this 50% divorce rate idea is that people aren't forming the right expectations about marriage.  The 50% number makes people think, 'Will my kids be raised in a divorced household?  Will I end up a single mom?' I think in terms of planning for the future, it's useful to understand what really happens in your peer group."
• Phoebe's lobster story in Friends isn't true.  Lobsters don't mate for life, it's more like two weeks.  The writers should have used the prairie vole as the example.
• Birth control pills might actually lead a woman to choose a mate that's genetically unsuitable for her.  The idea is that you're a better match with someone who has different major histocompatibility complex (MHC) genes from you.  Birth control pills trick your body into thinking you're pregnant, so your instinct for different MHC genes goes dormant. [It's an interesting chapter on tests that required smelling sweaty t-shirts.]
• A man's olfactory senses appear to guide him toward a woman who is primed to conceive.  [Interesting section on how strippers make more money when ovulating.]
• There's no excuse for not having time for sex because if you were having an affair, you'd make time for that.
• Women don't need sex when breastfeeding because they're tired and getting all the cuddly hormones from the contact with the baby.
• Holding hands with your wife can relieve tension and stress, particularly through traumatic experiences.
• How you tell your "how we met" story says a lot about your marriage.
• Jazz lovers are 30% more sexually active than other people.
• Obesity in a marriage can be contagious.
• Wives are like "gatekeepers" of family health.
• There's a good chapter about how sleep and snoring and separate bedrooms have an effect on marriage.
• You need friends.  Heterosexual men tend to say that their wife is their best friend or their only friend.
• Husbands should take a long parenting class with their wives.