Please note that this article does not apply to informal weddings.
In these recession-laden days, being invited to a wedding is much more of an honour than it used to be. Here’s how to live up to that honour.
1) TELL THE COUPLE YOU’RE GOING TO SHOW UP – OR NOT
Respond On Time
Weddings are all about numbers. Depending on the couple, the bride and groom may need to see how much space is left from the A-list before sending out the B-list invitations. The sooner they know their final head count, the sooner they can order items like place cards, chair covers, and favours, or services like security and babysitting.
Straggling Strangers
If the invitation does not read “and guest”, then the invitation is ONLY for the person to whom it is addressed.
Refrain from asking about bringing extra guests. The couple is already fighting about numbers and discussing eloping.
All You Need Is “No” … It’s Easy
If the invitation is obviously out of obligation, there is NO SHAME in declining. Guests who do not attend a wedding are not obligated to send a gift, though the gesture is always appreciated. Especially if the gift is cash.
2) SHOW UP
It’s Half the Battle
Guest places at dinner receptions are prepaid and cannot be refunded. Most wedding vendors require finalized guest numbers one week before the actual wedding, so two weeks before is the latest one can bow out with, “I forgot that was the date of your wedding.”
If unable to attend the wedding less than a week away (i.e. day of), inform the bride/groom with a fantastically good reason*, and send a generous gift as if attending. “I’m sick but I don’t have to go to the doctor” won’t cut it.
* deaths and fatal emergencies are entirely exempt from this paragraph
Let Your Rugrats Be Rugrats Elsewhere
Weddings are a grown-up event. Plan to leave uninvited kids with a babysitter.
3) SIT AND LOOK PRETTY
Look At the Invitation and Follow Suit
Formal attire is always safest, even if an emailed invitation could mean tracksuit. Invitations with lined envelopes and elegant font warrant suits. Wearing black is fine, but white (and variations of) is not.
Don’t Be A Sit Disturber
Table seating plans take ages to compile with the bride (and/or groom) choosing a designated place for each guest based on how they think s/he will interact with other guests. Sit where told.
4) DON’T BE AN ASS
Go With The Flow
Keep the mood positive and upbeat. This is a day filled with joy, love and happiness. Ceremonies will start late, traffic will be bad, and there might be unpleasant weather. It doesn’t matter. The day belongs to the bride and groom.
Herding Cats
Family members should be prepared to assemble quickly for group photos. If a bride should call out twice for a group, that group needs to speed up and not drain her energy or piss her off.
Use The Voice In Your Head
Refrain from making comments about anyone getting “cold feet,” looking anything less than glowingly happy or absolutely gorgeous. Do not argue about where or when to stand for a photo.
Stay Relatively Sober
No one wants an unruly drunk guest to mar the happiest day of her life. And because every little girl dreams about hiring security for her wedding. (That was sarcastic. They don’t.)
Pipe Down During Important Wedding Moments
Wedding dances are like rites of passage. Wedding speeches are opportunities to tell funny stories and say meaningful things. Even if it’s boring, pay attention and/or stay quiet. Competing noise will distract others from listening, and prevent honoured guests from hearing specially directed messages.
5) DON’T BE A TACKY ASS
How Much To Give
The rule of thumb is to generally give a gift equal to the value of one’s place at the wedding. Start with a base of $100-$150 per person, then add or subtract with the following factors:
• venue (community centre/legion hall = low; golf club/chic restaurant = high)
• season (November-April = low season + discount)
• invitation style (professionally crafted = $7)
• day of week (weekday/Sunday = discount)
• time (lunch = discount)
• dress formality (black tie = be generous)
• alcohol to be consumed (heavy drinkers should be generous)
• travel
• how much one can afford
One Love, One Heart, One Guest, One Favour
One guest = one favour. It’s not a free-for-all.
Thank The Bride/Groom Before Leaving
Say something nice. Again, being invited to a wedding is a great honour, because there are always people who didn’t make the final cut.
Of course the couple expects that the guests should have a great time, but there’s no need to bring on extra headaches or debt. It’s an expensive day and newlyweds are completely aware that their savings could have been spent elsewhere.
Wedding magazine The Knot puts the average wedding cost at a low $27,800. Think way higher for cities like Toronto, Montreal and Vancouver.
But a perfect day costs that much. So be a perfect guest.
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